Dear Special Man

I'm Listening.

My girlfriend and I aint been getting along so good recently. It seems like everything I say to her gets on her nerves, and then she won’t speak to me for like weeks. Giving me the silent treatment and whatnot. She’s obviously got a problem with me, but she aint telling me what it is. Its driving me nuts. The only thing I think it may be is she’s always getting mad because I like to play my nintendo wii with the boys after work. Its such a release, to hang with my friends, playing Ninja Gaiden, drinking beer, partying. I’m thinking she’s getting jealous or something. But she knows I love her. Special man, I’m confused. I need help!!

Thanks bra,
Confused in Kenner

Confused in Kenner,
I think this problem your encountering is definitely connected to this game of yours. Now, I’ll be honest, I do not know what the hell a ninterdo wii is, but I’m assuming its some kind of European card game or some such. You and your brethren, obviously enjoy playing this game together, whilst drinking beers. I can’t blame you, I like to relax and drink a soothing beer after a hard day of being special. And, if you can do it in the company of your pals, why the hell not? But, if it’s taking time away from your lady, now that’s a problem. Now I don’t know how often yall play this game of yours, but I’m assuming its more often than the not.
Now for the solution: Next time your old lady is getting wound up cause you spending too much time playing games with friends: “Let her have it!” Give her the time she so craves, and spend less time playing the games with the boys, and you’ll find yourself in a heap of romantic lust you aint encountered since that first date supplying that demand in the back of that Joy’s Cinema.

Let love in,
Special Man

The Special Man, a successful businessman and multimedia personality, writes a regular advice column as a public service to our readers. If you’d like the advice of The Special Man, write to: DearSpecialMan@gmail.com.

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Dear Special Man

I'm Listening.

I haven’t missed Mardi Gras day in 26 years. I always have a blast. But this year is different. My wife of 12 years recently cheated on me and filed for divorce. (We actually met on Mardi Gras day). As you can imagine, I am an unhappy person right now. I want to go out and have a good time with friends and family, but I’m not sure if I’ll enjoy myself. I’m thinking of not even going. Thoughts?

Regards,

Lost in Lakeview

Dear Lost in Lakeview,

Comrade, my heart goes out to you.

There you are, in domestic bliss for 12 years with a young maiden you met at the mystical and magical celebration we New Orleanians call Mardi Gras. I mean, this holiday is even more sacred to you, due to the fact that this is where you found love. This is where you found “she.” But now “she” is gone and done you wrong.

I tell you, I understand how you are feeling.

Years ago, I had a met a kitten of a young lady I’ll call “Sadie”. This cherubic delight knocked my fedora off my head and the cigar out of my mouth, let me tell you. Anyways, she walked into Frankie and Johnny’s with her round hips and high heels, I got her the 50.00 and she gave me a whole lot more, believe me when I tell you. (But that’s neither here nor there).

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Dear Special Man

I'm Listening.

What’s happening?! I recently moved to “Nawlins” from out of town. Still learning my way around this “Big Easy.” So far so good. The food is awesome, the people friendly and lots of great music. My question is: what is the deal with the love and loyalty for the Saints?! It seems like they have a terrible track record yet the locals love them. I don’t get it. What up?!

Rock on,
Newbie in New Orleans

Dear Newbie,

First of all, my name is not “Special Guy.” Its the “The Special Man.” Special Guy lives in Houma. (And let me tell you, he ain’t that special.)

Anyways, I’ll let this indiscretion slide due to your newfoundedness to our beautiful city of New Orleans. Now to your query: “What is the deal with the love and loyalty of the Saints?”

If you have to ask, you may never know. But I’ll do my best to explain for the Layman. The answer is as complex as a steaming bowl of Gumbo. Many ingredients shape the taste.

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Dear Special Man

I'm Listening.

First of all, I just want to say its good to have you back!! I love your column. Although I’m not the type to ask for advice, I thought you might be able to help.

So, I’m 56 years old and run a seafood restaurant with my wife in the CBD. Our establishment is successful, I have a great crew, and my wife is a godsend. On the outside everything is wonderful. But I can’t help being plagued by self-doubt and impending doom. How’s that for dramatic? I just can’t shake it for some reason. I suppose its equal parts post Katrina, rising crime, and the recession. I want to enjoy my life and success but it’s somehow eluding me. Any words of wisdom?

Thanks!

Downtown Depressed

Dear Downtown Depressed,
So let me get this straight, you are a successful restauranteur in beautiful downtown New Orleans. You’ve got a lovely wife, dedicated employees, crustacean craving guests, and a business you care deeply about. On the outset you are handling business. But, there is an inner struggle that must be attended to.

Brother, you need to move like the Sun and “rise and shine.” Easier said than done? Maybe. But I’ve just begun.

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Dear Special Man

I'm Listening.

I got myself conned by one a dem Bourbon Street husslers on “I knows where you got dem shoes.” The bet was $20.00. When he gave me the answer – I was at a total loss.

Being I actually got my shoe at Pay Less, the shoes were worth less than the bet. So I took your advise and “let em have it”, the shoes that is. He was mad and I had to walk back into the bar in my socks.

But despite having drunk 4 hurricanes, I could still remember your motto. And I did get back one shoe – the one he threw at my head as I went back into to bar.

Was I right or what?

–Willie

Willie,

I woke up this morning with my bones creaking, head aching, and my fedora bent. Essentially not feeling so “special.” So I drank a cup of Sanka, sat at my computer, and opened my intra-net email box.

I gotta tell you: I was struck by why I got into this game in the first place. It’s nice to be reminded by characters such as yourself that my help is valued and utilized in a wise and timely manner.

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Dear Special Man

I'm Listening.

My mom told me you helped her years ago. Something about you helping her to obtain the $50.00. How she accrued this, I don’t want to know, LOL. But she did say that you are excellent with advice and that’s why I’m writing to you today.

I am a 16-year-old sophomore attending Archbishop Chapelle High School. My dream since middle school has been to be a cheerleader. The problem I’m encountering is that I’m getting zero support from my family and the Chapellettes themselves. WTF!

I just think that no one believes that I have what it takes to be a Chapellette. Do you have any advice for me?

Thanks!!

Mystified in Metarie

Dear Mystified,

Girl, you sound like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You got a dream: Cheerleader. And now the “powers that be” (family and Chapellettes) seem to be working against you, on a level.

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Dear Special Man

I'm Listening.

Dear Special Man,

I’ve been working at the same insurance agency for the past 7 years. I love it. I’ve been top in sales since the beginning and never had a complaint. Until now.

We just got a new general manager who will not give me a break to save my life. He’s totally got this Napoleon complex. He’s always on my case, either nagging me about numbers or embarrassing me in front of my co-workers. He’s pushing me over the edge. I don’t know what to do. I want to step up to him, but am afraid that he’ll fire me on the spot. I need advice!

Thanks,

Humiliated in Harahan

Dear Humiliated,

You appear to be in a detrimental situation. You obviously love your job, and it sounds as if you’re successful. A dream situation, if you will. But now you have a small-statured man (I say this due to your Napoleonic reference) on your tail humiliating you in front of your coworkers. This sounds as if a nightmare has now entered your very being.

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