Health Official: “Irony” Outbreak Contained Near Audubon Zoo

April 24th, 2008 | Business, Post K

MAGAZINE STREET — In response to the CDC Health Advisory issued April 3 on recent irony outbreaks in the United States, The Creole-Tomato has developed a special page on its Web site here for local citizens to learn more about the condition.

Irony–or, as it as known to those already infected, “Irony”–is a highly contagious disease that is transmitted by respiratory droplets, neighborhood choice, and fashionable T-shirts.

Although “Irony” was never an endemic disease in Europe, it remains epidemic in many american cities including but not limited to the Silverlake neighborhood in Los Angeles, the University of Texas campus in Austin, and the Capitol Hill neighborhood in Seattle.

CDC Scientists believe that the Williamsburg, Brooklyn “hipster” may be the original source or “Patient Zero” of this outbreak. Other outbreaks in several parts of the country have been linked to importation from the Brooklyn neighborhood.

Shockingly, the same faction of CDC scientists has stated large outbreaks currently are occurring in New Orleans, Louisiana.

Only six blocks from Perlis and their racks of shotgun shell belts, Dirty Coast issued the following statement from their shop:

“We had the idea for Dirty Coast when we realized that there were very few well designed and interesting shirts that dealt with New Orleans. Go figure a city with 2-million t-shirt shops in the French Quarter and none of them were worth wearing.”

According to CDC Press Secretary Herman Zweibel, the above announcement is without equivocation, “ironic.”

During an “Irony” outbreak, additional vaccine recommendations should be considered. Health-care facilities will strongly recommend that the infected return the “Edwins 2012” T-shirt and proceed to Perlis to purchase a collared polo embroidered with the requisite crawfish and a pair of sensible khakis.

Those who do not have serologic evidence of immunity or physician documentation of “Irony,” can protect themselves with Fleur-De-Lis paraphernalia, jewelry, or housewares.