Stormy Daniels Sucks the Juice Out Of
Vitter Reelection Campaign

Ready to service the people of Louisiana.

CBD — After completion of the first step of her ‘listening tour,’ at Serio’s Deli, Baton Rouge native Stormy Daniels, has come to a conclusion about her proposed run for Senate.

Ms. Daniels (30), famed star, director, and featured player in films that your mom hopefully doesn’t know that you’ve seen, has been visiting local spots like the Roux House in Baton Rouge in an attempt to feel the pulse of the average Louisiana voter.

Since being informally drafted by an Internet site, Stormy–her film nom de guerre–has been been pursuing ways to finance her campaign.

Pubic Public records show she just got a big, hot injection from the Big Daddy’s political action fund, whose stated goal is “to keep the spirit of Big Daddy’s of Bourbon Street alive for future generations.”

Some inside sources in Baton Rouge have complained that that campaign donation may be directly related to Daniels’ platform’s focus on building up New Orleans’ film industry.

In a previous interview, Ms. Daniels has stated, “With this city’s architecture, lots of good ‘brothel’ and ‘vampire’-type adult entertainment could be produced cheaply while both bringing income into the city and offering job opportunities to single moms throughout the state.”

“Sadly, as it stands now, none of it is really happening yet.”

“If you give me your vote,” Ms. Daniels added, “I will see to it that this untapped economic boon will be yours, Louisiana.”

Ms. Daniels has noted that her election bid isn’t out to make anybody look like a two-timing liar or hypocrite. But her insightful and patient ear has heard the voices of her fellow Louisianians, who are telling her that after a steady pummeling from crooks and cheats, a platform of unabashed transparency is exactly what state politics needs.

“Believe me when I say I’ll do anything to–I mean for you–the Louisiana constituent,” Ms. Daniels recently said on the record.

U.S. Senator David Vitter (R), who was linked to the D.C. Madam’s Washington-based prostitution ring in 2007, refused to comment.

However, the Vitter office did release a statement that he has not had sexual relations with Ms. Daniels.