December 19, 2008
"Jindal" by AndresenJan 28: New Orleans watches US President George W. Bush’s final State of the Union address. Tuners-in express how they will miss his adorable way of running the country.
Feb 03: Native son Eli Manning forgoes Mardi Gras for a previously schedule appointment in Arizona. The Creole-Tomato learns Mr. Manning has been spending all his time with a bunch of damn yankees, which calls into question his appreciation of his beleaguered home town. We’re just sayin’….
March 15: Protesting Guatemalan farmers release four Belgian tourists they had taken hostage on Thursday
April 26: Long lines form at the New Orleans’ Jazz and Heritage Festival’s Couchon De Lait booth
May Sometime: The Honorable C. Ray Nagin forgot to call his mother.
June 27: Hot. Damn hot. Humid too.
July 12: Tony Campo’s Christmas in July sale in full swing.
August 17: LSU student Michael Phelps captures Olympic Gold, goes on to perform on Broadway in New York.
Sept 2: Nagin and Jindal lauded for getting everyone out. Garland lambasts Nagin and Jindal for not letting us back in. Now no one will leave again. This is getting weird.
Oct 22: In response to economic down turn, Manny Randazzo returns to baking King Cakes during carnival season only.
Nov 4: My brother’s birthday coincides with my new nephew’s.
Nov 27: After 33 years, area man discovers he has no taste for turkey gumbo.
Dec 10: Al Copeland executor’s fears are realized when he must direct the installation of Christmas lights on Metairie tomb.
November 24, 2008
Good grief.MANHATTAN, New York — Macy’s Thanksgiving Day So-Called “Parade,” a tradition that began in 1924 as a way to nudge consumers toward the holiday shopping season, will take place on Thursday.
The parade begins at 77th Street and Central Park West, on the way, way Northshore.
Here’s how to get there:
1. Fly to Newark, New Jersey.
2. Take NJ Transit trains to Penn Station, near Herald Square, or buses to Port Authority/42nd Street.
3. Elude the crowds by hopping on the 1, 2 or 3 train to 72nd Street at Broadway, or the 1 train to 50th Street. Subway fare is $2.
October 31, 2008
Well, maybe not all that fun.SOUTH SHORE HARBOR — If you hear the bone-rattling sound of the old New Orleans Zephyr in the air over the next few months, it’s not your nostalgic imagination.
After much debate about where to produce their next project, the former New Orleans based production company Butter & Pickles Only Entertainment has decided to return to their home town to make their film, “Pontchartrain Screech.”
The movie will be shot entirely in the city with production scheduled to start in September.
“Pontchartrain Screech” is a thriller loosely based on the famous French play “Huis Clos” by Jean-Paul Sartre.
Except much bloodier.
It explores the darker nature of relationships as a couple gets trapped in the long since demolished amusement park where they blindly torture each other by prodding each other’s past sins.
Meanwhile, an unknown freak-show-style killer is on the loose.
With the executive producer Jerry Bruckheimer on board, success is almost garaunteed.
“We’ve got the old Pirates of the Carribean crew recreating Pontchartrain Beach exactly as it used be, but spookier and more exaggerated. To call it cartoonish would be an understatement,” Bruckheimer let on.
Co-owners of the local production company, Landy “Butter” Rhodes and Capshaw “Pickles” Bertrand, are eager to continue being a part of the growing film industry in Louisiana.
October 3, 2008
Harry, meet Robert.“On its dizzy top stands the bronze figure of one of the worlds greatest captains. He is alone. Not one of his mighty lieutenants stand behind, beside or below him. His arms are folded on that breast that never knew fear, and his calm gaze meets the morning sun as it rises, like the new posperity of the land he loved and served so masterly, above the far distant battle fields where so many thousands of his gray veterans lie in the sleep of fallen heroes.”
The quotation above is taken from The Century Illustrated Monthly Magazine, published in 1885–one year after the unveiling of the statue of General Robert E. Lee.
The sixteen-and-a-half-foot, 7,000 pound statue of Lee stands tall upon a glittering column of white marble in the middle of Lee Circle, facing north.
It is, without a doubt, our fair city’s most prominent monument in one of its most prominent places, the route of streetcars, the best Mardi Gras parades, and more than the occasional touris
Recently, the proud city of Metairie, Louisiana, unveiled a similar shrine to one of her dauntless heroes of days gone by. One year after his death, Jefferson Parish unveiled a bronze statue of 27-year Jefferson Parish Sheriff Harry Lee.
Full Story » »
September 4, 2008
Vigilance is his watchword.CHICAGO, Illinois — New Orleans native Blake Sonza streamed WWLTV.com’s live Gustav coverage on while on the toilet in a friend’s apartment in the Wicker Park neighborhood of Chicago, it was revealed today.
Sonza, a bartender and part-time graduate studenton a trip to the Windy City planned long before the storm, was riveted by live pictures of the storm surge overtopping the western floodwall of the Industrial Canal.
“I just felt like I need to know,” said Sonza.
“After Katrina, we saw how one breach could flood the entire city. I couldn’t not witness history, however grim it might be.”
Sonza says that, because he brought the laptop on his bare legs, he was able to witness live the first video of the overtopping presented by WWL-TV reporter Mike Hoss to anchors Dennis Woltering and Angela Hill.
“I just felt so helpless,” Sonza said. “I was so far away and unable to do anything to help my friends, my family, or my town. All I could do was watch.”
“I think Angela would understand,” he added.
Ms. Hill could not be reached for comment.
August 29, 2008
Quality Journalism in ActionBYWATER — New Orleans residents were surprised by the recent discovery by Bywater resident Adam Robichaux that what were previously thought by all to be merely free table liners for crawfish boils are in truth actual news magazines.
The Creole-Tomato has confirmed that the city’s premier choice for crawfish boil table lining is in fact a monthly tabloid entertainment periodical entitled “Where Y’at?”
“Dozens of business throughout the city have these things stacked outside their doors free for the taking,” said Robichaux.
“I and everyone else assumed that they were just complimentary ad rags to be used for table liners. But when I took a closer look at one the other day, I was surprised to find what appeared to be news stories and editorials.”
As it turns out, Robichaux’s observations were only slightly off the mark.
Full Story » »
August 29, 2008
Aries (March 21-April 19): Your astral superpower is the ability to make someone’s day. Don’t let your mama’s mama bring you down. You’re especially effective with a couple of well placed “Yeah You Rights.”
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Go ‘head and take that RTA job. You may feel that you don’t have much to offer someone, but it’s important that you contribute what you can. Besides after buses, there’s the streetcar. It’s in the cards…I mean stars.
Gemini (May 21-June 21): Events seem to be catching up with you. Let them. When was the last time you had an Oyster Loaf from Ye Old College Inn?
Cancer (June 22-July 22): Are you afraid that if you don’t say “yes” to every interesting offer, you’ll be missing out on something? Perhaps. Or perhaps since you live in “Cancer” Alley you should take a bigger bite.
Full Story » »
August 5, 2008
Witnesses to the EventWAREHOUSE DISTRICT — On the 500 block of Julia Street on Saturday night, local attorney Ronald Manjarrias finally understood the purpose of White Linen Night when witnesses overheard him asking his wife and family: “Hey, doesn’t this thing have something to do with art?”
His wife Nadira Manjarrias stated that her husband has been always “been a little off,” but she was disappointed considering that this was her husband’s sixth consecutive White Linen Night.
She also recalled him wandering into a commercial gallery or two over the years.
“I guess I can rationalize this lapse because every year Ronnie just runs off and gets a bunch of those Bingo tickets, you know, the ones for drinks, and disappears,” she said.
Full Story » »
May 30, 2008
Art or Justice?CBD — His given name is Fred Radtke, president of the Louisiana not-for-profit organization Operation: Clean Sweep.
But he’s called The Gray Ghost.
This elusive anti-graffiti vigilante uses his signature gray paint to cover up blights on our fair city’s landscape.
And while some people consider him a great citizen fighting to help keep New Orleans beautiful others consider him a vandal that is only adding to the problem.
Now The Gray Ghost is painting with an entirely different brush—in a court of law.
His target? Michael “Rex” Dingler, artist and founder of NolaRising, a public art campaign of whimsical, bright sign art installations around the city.
Full Story » »
May 16, 2008
If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?FRENCH QUARTER — Hundreds of tourists and carriage drivers were surprised to hear something different in the air coming from the Toulouse Street Wharf yesterday.
Instead of hearing the traditional calliope playlist of “The Entertainer” and “Singin in the Rain,” they were treated to a steam-powered version of the classic rock anthem “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
“Well, we’d playing the classics for quite a while now,” said Captain James “Trippy” Delestinier of the Steamboat Natchez.
“And the other day I saw these long-haired kids sitting out on the Moonwalk drinking beers and smoking something. Just after I finished “The Michigan Rag,” one of them yelled out: ‘Free Bird!’”
Multimedia: Hear the Steamboat Natchez Calliope in action.
Full Story » »
May 16, 2008
Streaming the Dream ASTORIA, New York — New Orleans native Michael Alexander couldn’t make it to JazzFest this year. And he couldn’t be happier.
Alexander, a freelance web designer, streamed the entire second weekend of the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival from the comfort of the office/living room/kitchen of his $1800 per month studio apartment in Queens, New York.
“You know what,” said Alexander, “I’m glad I didn’t go.”
“There was no wait for Crawfish Bread, but I didn’t have any Crawfish Bread, so I sprinkled some Tony’s on toast.”
“It was just as good,” he added.
Full Story » »
April 11, 2008
As Seen at The Fest Fest Jazz Fest TentEditors’ Note: This article originally appeared in Where Y’at Magazine.
CITY HALL –New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin met with local and national sponsors at a formal ceremony at Gallier Hall to unveil a new New New Orleans festival to be called “Festival Fest.”
Festival Fest—which is strategically scheduled to fall between French Quarter Fest and Jazz Fest—will be sponsored by Freeport Mc-Moran, Russell’s Marina Grill, and Campo the Appliance Giant.
“We’re going to have tents representing all the other major festivals in the city,” said Festival Fest promoter Dint Quavis.”There will be The JazzFest Tent, The French Quarter Fest Tent, The Essence Fest Tent, and the Cox Cable/Southern Comfort VooDoo Fest Tent.”
“It’s a festival of fests, really.”
“We’re even in talks to have an all-night Southern Decadence Fest Tent featuring Special Guest Star DJ Victor Calderone,” Quavis added.
Not to be left out, JeffFest organizers will plan the sales of all water filtration devices, “How Ya Gonna Clap” Beer Coozies, and politically-motivated buttons outside the Festival Fest gates.
According to Louisiana Recovery Authority (LRA) economists, Festival Fest is expected to have an impact on the local economy in the millions and take away thousands of free parking spaces from local residents.
Tickets to Festival Fest will be $80 in advance, $90 at the door.
March 26, 2008
Don't Shoot!RIVER BEND — After being hit by a falling bullet while cooking at a charity event at English Turn last week, New Orleans chef Paul Prudhomme was today again the victim of a freak, violent accident while cooking for a good cause.
While Prudhomme was setting up his cooking tent in the Children’s Hospital parking lot, a nearby groundskeeper lost control of his chainsaw, which severed the chef’s neck.
To the delight and dismay of the guests, Prudhomme shook it off, sautéing delicious Creole and Cajun fare for four hours.
Full Story » »
March 23, 2008
CBD — Nola.com website administrators are moving quickly to enact new controls after reader posts in response to a recent article spun wildly out of control into a series of racist tirades and ad hominem attacks.
“We at NOLA.com and the Times-Picayune value everyone’s right to free speech,” said web designer Aaron Duplessis.
“But I must admit that I am personally flabbergasted as to why anyone would use an anonymous public venue to posit racially charged sentiments.”
The vitriol commenced after a posting by RedHotz82 which contained four misspelled words, a double negative and a comma splice.
User Saintsfan123 felt compelled to put the spotlight on RedHotz82’s literary malfeasance and capped off his/her castigation with a racial epithet.RedHotz82 responded to the attack four posts later with equally derogatory comments intensifying the hostilities.
Numerous postings followed with equal numbers of posters supporting the positions of both RedHotz82 and Saintsfan123. Each successive posting increased the amount of slurs and stereotypes promulgated by visitors to the popular New Orleans news site.
“After 637 posts into the forum the argument kind of died down,” said Duplessis.
“In the future, we at Nola.com are going to have to seriously consider publishing another feature story about cooking beignets if doing so continues to invoke such impassioned prejudices.”
March 2, 2008
Exhibit ABYWATER — Art forgery dates back more than two-thousand years. Roman sculptors produced copies of Greek sculptures. During the classical period art was generally created for historical reference, religious inspiration, or simply aesthetic enjoyment. The identity of the artist was often of little importance to the buyer.
The age old issue has been foisted upon the City that Care Forgot.
Local folk artists Dr. Bob and Simon will do battle in court soon. The two are filing simultaneous copyright infringement lawsuits against each other claiming that the other has stolen ideas and styles and implemented them into their own work.
Dr. Bob, famous for various “Opened/Closed” signs on businesses around town and the ever-infamous “Be Nice or Leave” art, has fumed over the issue calling Simon a hack.
Full Story » »
February 14, 2008
The Cultural FabricFirst opened in 1978, Salaam’s is the oldest surviving example of T-shirt shop architecture.
“All the classic elements are there,” said architecture critic Mathis Eskew of the Tulane University School of Architecture.
“You’ve got 12-foot high frontage windows packed with jester hats and feather boas, alligator-shaped Christmas lights, and offensive, sophomoric T-shirts stacked twenty high.”
“It’s not just about architecture; it’s about history. These shining, authentic examples of New Orleans culture must be preserved for future generations to study and enjoy.”
“I am humbled that the city has bestowed this honor on my shop,” said owner Mr. Salaam.
“Who would have known that plastic boob shapes, marijunana-leaf beads, and dozens of novelty hot sauces would end up being so important to the cultural fabric of our city.”
A gold plaque will be placed on the outside of the store, next to a revolving rack of pornographic postcards.
February 14, 2008
A Typical Bourbon Street Sommolier.For this Valentine’s Day the Creole-Tomato has reviewed some of the finer local offerings to take the guesswork out of your special date.
Huge Ass Beer, Wilkinson Alley (Orleans Parish, Louisiana) Reserve 2008 ($5):Tasted side-by-side with their regular normal sized beer, the superiority of the Huge Ass Beer is readily evident and, in my mind, worth the extra three dollars. As expected, it has more sweet fruit flavors, more apparent oak aging and supporting tannins. Importantly, it retains nuances of an earthy/leafy character and is not overdone. It’s a harmonious and polished Huge Ass Beer and outshines plenty of other drafts costing twice as much. We’ve paired the Huge Ass Beer with monkfish millefeuille with foie gras and caramelised endives.
Hand Grenade, Bourbon Street (Orleans Parish, Louisiana) Tropical Isle 2001 ($8): One of Bourbon’s most stunning offerings. A small production quaff, it can nevertheless be found in fine restaurants–especially those which emphasize California wines on their lists. The 2001 Tropical Isle Family Hand Grenade is simply outstanding; it has lush flavors, with notes of cinnamon and black fruits, and a long finish on the palate. A Hand Grenade such as this is what has made Bourbon Street Hand Grenades famous worldwide. Try it with grilled meats, and it will shine.
Full Story » »
February 3, 2008
Purple, GREEN, and GoldUnderstanding the immense threat of global climate change, Flambeaux announced today that they are going green. Under the plan released today, the highly polluting propane tanks worn on the backs of all Flambeaux will be replaced by a clean burning hydrogen fuel cell whose only emission is water.
“We gotta do our part to reduce our carbon footprints,” said long time Flambeau Marlin Boulet.
“We’re also talkin’ about buyin’ some of them carbon offsets down by Rouse’s.”
Funding will be provided by celebrity greenographer Leonardo DiCaprio, whose interest in a green New Orleans extends beyond little pink houses.
February 3, 2008
Repent? 9th ward troubadour and wonderkind, Mr. Quintron, and his puppet-show accomplice, Ms. Pussycat, have accidentally played straight trough Mardi Gras.
“Shit!” declared Quintron. “The organ chops were coming and coming and I guess we just lost track of time.”
In the past, audiences have annually joined Quintron for a night long concert on Lundi Gras that extends to the early morning hours of Mardi Gras.
This year’s concert marked a departure when the crowd and Quintron just jammed past Zulu and Rex and straight through Fat Tuesday.
Full Story » »
October 31, 2007
Sheriff Foti's New Haunted HouseWith Halloween just past, parents were looking to celebrate Halloween in a way only New Orleans can: by sending their children into a scary house filled with convicted criminals with minimal supervision and masks.
“This was to be the most frightening haunted realm, I mean house, ever,” said one machette-toting convict in an orange OPP jumpsuit.
“And just because he’s moved on to bigger and better positions in state government, doesn’t mean we can’t still call him Sheriff.”
There were some changes this year. Most notably the name—and new corporate sponsors.
Children now had new nightmares because of the “Southern Comfort Presents The State of Louisiana Attorney General Charles C. Foti’s Haunted House Sponsored by Freeport McMoran.”
Full Story » »
October 5, 2007
Remember me?2005: Former mayor Marc Morial, certain of his relatives, and former associates became the focus of federal investigations into corruption during his administration. Morial’s uncle Glenn Haydel was accused of defrauding the Regional Transit Authority of a half-million dollars in a fraudulent bond refinancing scheme.
1984: During Ernest N. Morial’s second mayoral term, economic decline and increased conflict with the City Council led to a decrease in the ability of the Morial administration to govern effectively. After serving two terms as mayor, he was prevented by the City Charter from seeking a third term. He twice tried to convince voters to change the Charter to allow him to run again.
Full Story » »
July 3, 2007
The Anchor of Fashion.The Creole-Tomato: Mr. Raj, thanks for sitting with us. We know you are a very busy man. You started off as a dashing young reporter for local New Orleans news channel WDSU. Two burning questions: Why fashion? And why now?
Roop Raj: Thanks for asking. Luminary newswoman Hoda Kotb mentioned to me that my fashion sense was different from most of the other newsmen in New Orleans. It was as if my fashion sense was speaking to the viewers in an even more sensual baritone voice than my usual exquisite delivery.
I knew at that point I had a responsibility to the young men of New Orleans and, one might say, even the world.
C-T: What is your inspiration? Full Story » »
June 3, 2007
Old Black and White Photograph.1993: Zebra reunites to rock 22nd farewell tour at Mudbug’s on Belle Chasse Hwy
1991: Tastee Donuts becomes Tastee Restaurant
1979: Young Harry Lee takes “Sheriff” literally and dons cowboy hat.
1974: New Orleans Original Daiquiris opens first drive thru in Metairie
1944: Local Inventor Andrew Higgins gets fired from Avondale
1929: At Jesuit Graduation, the only humble, modest senior receives diploma.
1880: Storyville Madam dreams of a better place for her child. City Park’s Storyland is born.
December 11, 2006
Editors’ Note: This article originally appeared in Where Y’at Magazine.
Since so many of City Park’s austere, ancient Mossy Oaks have gone the way of the woodchipper since Katrina, a blue-ribbon panel has been established to aid City park officials in brainstorming a new name for “Celebration in the Oaks.”
Austue citizens may recall this is not the first name change of the annual non-denominational festival formerly known as “Christmas in the Oaks.”
Except this time the problem isn’t Christmas. It’s The Oaks.
The panel, co-chaired by media mogul Clancy DuBois and owner of local instiution Fat Harry’s Dickie Unangst, has submitted the following names for public comment in advance of a community meeting to be held in the next few weeks:
Celebration in the Newly Planted, Fast Growing Palms
Celebration in the Lawn
Celebration in the Shrubbery
Celebration in the Monkey Grass
Celebration in the Cellphone Towers
Celebration in the Birch
Celebration in the Beech
Celebration in the Bee-yotch
Celebration in the Christmas Lights
And simply…Celebration Station!
Regardless of the name, City Park officials promise that “Celebration in the ____________” will be just as illumination as ever.
“Katrina took away our trees,” said one anonymous City Park employee, but she could never take our festive blue Sea Dragon down by Christian Brothers.”
May 30, 2006
Wait for it....After the sun has long set over the Acura Stage, unanswered questions linger about the Jazz Fest 2006.
Why was Quint Davis wearing a dress on the last Sunday? What really happened to Fats Domino? And, most befuddling of all: what caused the massive Cochon Delay that nearly crippled the entire festival?
At one of the most popular food booths around the corner from Congo Square, a Cochon Delay caused locals and tourists alike to wait on line for hours. While other Cajun, Creole, and international food vendors sated the hungry masses, the Cochon Delay stymied the attempt of an otherwise happy crowd to feed its face.
The Cochon Delay reached an epic proportion when, despite the troubles, Fest-goers kept talking about how great the Cochon Delay is.
“Everybody told me about the Cochon Delay,” said Pauline Gulotta, who flew in from Maryland to attend the Jazz Fest, “and so I got in line, and I told my friends to get in line too.” Full Story » »
December 30, 2005
#7 Vodka and Red Bull Recipe from Fats Domino
File photo.Number seven in our yearly list of evacuation cocktails comes from local singer Fats Domnio, who swears that this powerful concoction is just the thing to take the edge off a stressful evacuation.
What’s really great about this heavenly combination is the heavily caffeinated Red Bull can help you stay awake during those long nights stuck in bumper-to-bumper contraflow traffic
1 Part K&B Vodka
4 Parts Red Bull
Ice (optional)
Pour Vodka into pint glass, over ice. Fill glass with Red Bull. Stir or shake to taste. Enjoy.
Here’s to your next evacuation!
November 30, 2005
A Bittersweet Thanksgiving.Post-Katrina, many animals have sought physical help and emotional support from famed New Orleans veterinarian Francis Akmuch. One lonely turkey, however, sought something else.
Like many pets, Turkey Lurkey (name as printed on collar) was found while searching residences for survivors.
“From the beginning, all Turkey Lurkey would do was ask that we eat her,” explained Dr. Akmuch. “At first I thought she was concerned about the scarcity of food and was offering herself up for self-sacrifice; but upon probing deeper, I realized I was dealing with one very traumatized turkey.”
Turkey Lurkey’s owner, Gary Wilson, could not be found after he was airlifted from the mid-city section of New Orleans and forced to leave his faithful friend behind.
“We didn’t know how to handle the situation at first. Euthanasia is a very serious procedure and one we do not take lightly. However, without the owner around, I had to listen to the needs of the pet and take what she wanted into strong consideration.”
According to Dr. Akmuch, most pets have had a tough time post-Katrina. Full Story » »
November 15, 2005
Green is the new black.You moved from Brooklyn to the Bywater in the last five years, attracted by the vibe, low real estate prices, and a desire for “the authentic.” Now you’re authentically flooded, stuck in a city with few functioning Starbucks within New Urbanism-scale walking distance.
What’s a carpetbagger-cum-trendsetter to do in these critical fall fashion months?
There’s a fungus among us, but don’t let that smell bring you down. Full Story » »
