January 26, 2010
Every so often, The Creole-Tomato asks residents for their local reaction to a national event. This time, we asked the nation to react to a dramatic local event: the Saints making the Superbowl for the first time in their history.
“Well, frankly, it’s nice to hear that New Orleans isn’t asking for my hard-earned tax money to waste on corrupt construction projects. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get in my car and drive through $10 billion Big Dig tunnel.”
-Francis O’Riordan, Nurse, Boston
“New Orleans? Hm…doesn’t ring a bell, sorry.”
Craig Fugate, Administrator of FEMA, Washington, D.C.
“Playoffs? Playoffs? Are you kidding me?”
-James Mora, Sr., Retired, Seattle
So how’s it going down there? Is it all fixed yet?”
-Sharon Mickolajczyk, Travel Agent, Kenosha, WI
C-T Editors’ Note: Are you local? Do you have a reaction? Don’t feel left out! Click “leave comment” in the lower right-hand corner or fill in the box below.
May 8, 2009
The World Health Organization has reported the spread of 1,658 confirmed cases of the H1N1 influenza virus from Mexico. Â What do you think?
“This is why I don’t eat the filthy motherf*#kers.”
-C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“But it’s safe to eat a cochon de lait po-boy, right? Right?”
-Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!”
-Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“We’ll be fine. Everybody knows there are no Mexicans in New Orleans.”
-Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“Damn. I knew I shouldn’t have kissed that ‘Girls Gone Wild’ cameraman in Cancun.”
-Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
C-T Editors’ Note: Are you local? Do you have a reaction? Don’t feel left out! Click “leave comment” in the lower right-hand corner or fill in the box below.
November 6, 2008
President-elect Barack Obama began moving Wednesday to build his administration and make good on his ambitious promises to point This Great Land of Ours in a different direction.
Who do you think who make a good part of Team Obama?
“Helena Moreno? I’m pretty sure she’s available…”
-C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“Two words – Sarah Palin, Secretary of Hotness.”
-Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“How about Bobby Jindal?”
-Bobby Jindal, Governor, Kenner/East Baton Rouge Parish
“Well, there ought to be some Republicans somewhere, I think. Did you see the Senate results? Oh, man. More like Grand Ol’ Funeral.”
-Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“What an historic election! Yes We Can! Go Bama! I can not believe I lived to see the day a Communist Arab took the presidency! Hail Marx! Long Live Che! Roll Tide!”
-Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“Don’t blame me. I voted for William Jefferson.”
-Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
C-T Editors’ Note: Are you local? Do you have a reaction? Don’t feel left out! Click “leave comment” in the lower right-hand corner or fill in the box below.
October 4, 2008
The Choice.Jefferson, seeking his 10th term in Congress, faces a December trial on charges that he took bribes, laundered money and misused his congressional office for business dealings in Africa.
What do you think?
“I’m not sure if she’s qualified. How big is her freezer?”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“Does Moreno have any crooked brothers or sisters? That might help.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
Full Story »
August 29, 2008
As of press time, meterologists are predicting that Hurricane Gustav could set its sights on the still-shellshocked City of New Orleans. What do you think?
“Maybe we should stop giving storms Russian names. Just a thought.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
“No worries, man. We got reservations at the Astrodome.”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“Define ‘mandatory.’”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“OMG! WTF! Do I have 2 go back 2 Long Island?”
–Nikki Feinstein, Tulane Student
“Oooh! I can’t wait for Anderson Cooper to come back to town.”
–Lance Fratinelli, Freelance Jewelry Designer, Fabourg-Marigny
July 29, 2008
The spill of 400,000 gallons of diesel fuel into the waters of the Mississippi River has cost the local economy upwards of $1 billion and caused untold ecological damage. What do you think?
“That was water in there before? I always assumed it was trash from Missouri mixed with liquid cancer.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
“I guess it’s better than a Daiquiri Spill. Now that would be tragic.”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“Gas is at $4.20 a gallon. Where my siphon at?”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“Maybe this means the River Pilots Association will finally consider my application for employment.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“This just ain’t our decade, I guess.”
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
May 16, 2008
Five members of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity of Tulane University are accused of participating in a violent hazing incident that left two pledges with severe burns. What do you think?
“Fraternities make you drink a lot and do stupid shit. Sounds a little bit redundant for New Orleans, right?” -C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“I didn’t know Jewish kids from New Jersey and Connecticut like to haze each other.” -Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
“The drink specials at TJ Quills and Bruno’s must not have been good that night.” -Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“When Dean Wermer finds out about this, these boys are going to be in hot water.” -Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“As long as they use a safe word, whatever consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is all right with me.” -Lance Fratinelli, Freelance Jewelry Designer, Fabourg-Marigny
March 8, 2008
“Paperwork.”
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“Nothing much, really. Just the backbreaking work of repairing my home, healing my community, and rebuilding the city that I love brick by brick every day.”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“Ninterndo Wii.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“I mostly just cry, mostly.”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“Philateling.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
February 14, 2008
“I got a bag full of weed, a Whitman’s Sampler, and I’m off the pill. We’re going to the Fly.”
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“I’m going to Gordon’s of Gretna to get some plastic flowers. They last all year.”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“My man loves it when I melt Velveeta over a Hubig’s in the microwave.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
“I’m taking one of my baby mamas on a romantic date night away at the Texas Motel.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“Kenny’s Key West, a couple of buttery nipples, and sex in the back of a limo by A Confidential.”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“There’s really no difference between Mardi Gras Beads and Anal Beads. Besides, they keep getting bigger every year.”
–Lance Fratinelli, Freelance Jewelry Designer, Fabourg-Marigny
August 2, 2007
CBS News has reported China’s 18-mile Hangzhou Bay Bridge to be the longest in the world, despite the fact that the Causeway is 23.87 miles. What do you think?
“I’ve been telling my public school students for years 24 is less than 18.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
“Woah. This new math makes me think I’ve been lying to all the wrong people.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“18 is more than 24, and I’ve got negative income. Ergo, Bill Gates better get his poor ass out of my house!”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“Lost the world record? But isn’t it better to be 2nd runner up?
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“I don’t care how much shorter the trip is. I’m not crossing that lake to eat at Trey-Yen.”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
July 18, 2007
“Well, as long as he wasn’t caught with a live boy or a dead girl…”
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“My only question is: How’s Dirty Coast gonna fit this one on a T-Shirt?”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“Was it that Mother/Daughter outfit on Canal again? You got that phone number?”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“What’s his name? Livingston?”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“Don’t blame me. I voted for Duke.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
June 3, 2007
“Last year, Landrieu kept talking about Biotech. Why don’t we put some of that in there?”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
“A K&B Museum.”
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“The Crystal Factory?”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“One word: Mayonnaise Condos.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“How about a factory that makes actual blue plates?”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
February 15, 2006
“Well there is still a lot of work to be done, but long beads are long beads.”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“I’ve got to start my doubloon collection all over from scratch. We better have Mardi Gras.”
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“All Hail Queen Tchufuncte.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“The New Orleans economy needs Mardi Gras. Till my insurance check arrives, I’m shaking my fun bags for dem “Girls Gone Wild” videos.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
“We gonna have Mardi Gras sure as I’ve danced through dung on a parade route. And let me tell you from personal experience, those horses have got some dung!”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
November 30, 2005
“With my house gone, the in-laws can’t visit.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
“Police turned a blind eye to looting, so this year I got my holiday shopping done extra early. Take ‘dat, Vanna White.”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“Plenty of parking and no meter maids.”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“Nothing says loving like MRE stuffing.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“I’m thankful I got to tell my ex-boyfriend, Jerome Louis Jr., what an [expletive] he is before he got bussed to wherever.”
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
November 15, 2005
“Usufruct” is a concept in Louisiana law that comes into play when a spouse dies and allows the use of his or her home to the surviving spouse so heirs cannot sell it.
One reconstruction plan uses usufruct as a basis for people to voluntarily grant control of their property to the government for the purposes of rebuilding.
What do you think?
“Usufruct? Of the Gentilly Usufructs? I think I went to high school with the youngest sister.”
–Maureen Francis, Nurse, Gentilly
“Hands down the worst defensive lineman the Saints ever drafted in the first round.”
–Michael Duplass, Insurance Adjuster, Northshore
“All I know is, if you live near the 17th Street Canal, you’s a frucked.”
–C. Elgin Taylor, Flambeau, Bucktown
“I love that Muddy Water they have at Usufruct’s. Have they reopened yet?”
–Gina Chavet, Travel Agent, Garden District
“Gezundheit.”
–Lena Schiro, Retired Substitute Teacher, Mid-City
