Dear Special Man

The Creole-Tomato is proud to welcome our newest columnist, The Special Man. A successful businessman and multimedia personality, The Special Man will write a regular advice column. If you’d like the advice of The Special Man, write to: DearSpecialMan@gmail.com

I'm listening.

Dear Special Man,

I’ve been working at the same insurance agency for the past 7 years. I love it. I’ve been top in sales since the beginning and never had a complaint. Until now.

We just got a new general manager who will not give me a break to save my life. He’s totally got this Napoleon complex. He’s always on my case, either nagging me about numbers or embarrassing me in front of my co-workers. He’s pushing me over the edge. I don’t know what to do. I want to step up to him, but am afraid that he’ll fire me on the spot. I need advice!

Thanks,

Humiliated in Harahan

Dear Humiliated,

You appear to be in a detrimental situation. You obviously love your job, and it sounds as if you’re successful. A dream situation, if you will. But now you have a small-statured man (I say this due to your Napoleonic reference) on your tail humiliating you in front of your coworkers. This sounds as if a nightmare has now entered your very being.

This is what needs to happen: next time this little man is berating you, making you feel less than human, you need to “let him have it.” Stand up for yourself! Now, this doesn’t mean screaming and a hollering. That tactic is for the less than intelligent. For you see, you must mix the sweet with the sour. Speak in a tone that he will understand. It ain’t enough to merely know what you know: communicate, then celebrate. This elfin is searching your boundaries and your soul. Meanwhile, you’re quaking in your boots, scared to tell him what’s what. Once you open your mouth, in an easy yet self-assured tone (setting that boundary line), education shall ensue. This mark-ass trick will inevitably learn the lesson and back off. Your coworkers will respect you that much more.

I’ll be honest: I didn’t become “special” merely by sitting in an easy chair, smoking cigars, and granting wishes to the financially challenged. That came later. I accrued my power through strength, charisma, determination, and most importantly: the ability to communicate.

Focus son,

The Special Man

****

Dear Special Man,

My girlfriend and I haven’t been getting along so good recently. It seems like everything I say to her gets on her nerves; and then she won’t speak to me for weeks, giving me the silent treatment. She’s obviously got a problem with me, but she isn’t telling me what it is. It’s driving me nuts.

The only thing I think it may be is she’s always getting mad because I like to play my Ninetndo Wii with the boys after work. Its such a release, to hang with my friends, playing Ninja Gaiden, drinking beer, and partying. I’m thinking she’s getting jealous or something. But she knows I love her. Special man, I’m confused. I need help!!

Thanks bra,

Confused in Kenner

Dear Confused,

I think this problem you’re encountering is definitely connected to this game of yours. Now, I’ll be honest, I do not know what the hell a Ninterdo Wii is, but I’m assuming its some kind of European card game or some such.You and your brethren, obviously enjoy playing this game together whilst drinking beers. I can’t blame you, I like to relax and drink a soothing beer after a hard day of being special. And if you can do it in the company of your pals, why the hell not? But if it’s taking time away from your lady, now that’s a problem. I don’t know how often y’all play this game of yours, but I’m assuming its more often than the not.

Now for the solution: next time your old lady is getting wound up cause you spending too much time playing games with friends, “Let her have it!” Give her the time she so craves and spend less time playing the games with the boys. You’ll find yourself in a heap of romantic lust you ain’t encountered since that first date supplying that demand in the back of that Joy’s Cinema.

Let love in,

Special Man

The Special Man, a successful businessman and multimedia personality, writes a regular advice column as a public service to our readers. If you’d like the advice of The Special Man, write to: DearSpecialMan@gmail.com

More Articles in Dear Special Man »