HOME & GARDEN: A Moldern Home

Green is the new black.

You moved from Brooklyn to the Bywater in the last five years, attracted by the vibe, low real estate prices, and a desire for “the authentic.” Now you’re authentically flooded, stuck in a city with few functioning Starbucks within New Urbanism-scale walking distance.

What’s a carpetbagger-cum-trendsetter to do in these critical fall fashion months?

There’s a fungus among us, but don’t let that smell bring you down.

Embrace the natural patterns that cover your walls. Instead of chic designer rice paper wall covering, you have a living, breathing, ever-changing green and purple design. Free of charge!

With this in mind, the Dutch interior design firm, Vender Levveys Braak will tell you nothing brings out the organic splendor of creeping toxic spores like sunlight.

Have your overly sentimental husband wipe the tears from his face and throw that Pottery Barn end table through your living room picture window.

This process will produce invaluable feng shui. Why? Husband gets to break stuff!

Besides, you don’t have to spend time or money trying to decide on the right window treatments to match the loveseat. In fact, you don’t have to worry about the loveseat either.

Though you and hubby are DINKs (no longer Double Income-No Kids, but Depleted Income NOLA Katrina Survivors), what happens if the pitter-patter of little feet are in your future? Turn that study into the baby’s room!

Are the floorboards buckled and unrecognizable? Is it as heartbreaking as having lost all your newlywed china? Never fear, roller coaster wood floors are in.

What could be more fun for a toddler than a life-threatening obstacle course for a bedroom? You see the skewed tongue and groove boards as trip hazards. Baby sees them as Adventure Mountain.

With the proper perspective and a little imagination, there are countless ways to save.

Young professionals agree that living with mold isn’t so bad in November in Old Orleans. With much of the newly trendy city without electricity even three months after the storm, your moldy walls and ceiling might just glow at night, safely and elegantly illuminating your late night trips to the master bath.

Next month we’ll walk you through the insurance receipts scrapbook.