Performance Enhancing Drugs Discovered in the Ranks of NOPD Meter Maid Corps

Violations Mounting.

7TH WARD—Prosecutors are moving forward with a full scale investigation and potential indictments of at least seventeen suspected drug abusers in the rank and file of the NOPD Meter Maid Corps.

Suspicions of steroid and HGH abuse began when several outspoken citizens noted the increased bulk of and overall poor attitude of a large proportion of CBD Meter Maids.

Special Investigator Donny Tenaglia of the NOPD Internal Affairs Division has been eyeing the parking ticket scribes for six months or more.

The good folks who write the City of New Orleans Parking Citations have consistently been an agreeable, affable group in the past. They, as a whole, were a real cheerful group of gals.”

“But lately, we’ve documented a significant negative shift in disposition that can only be attributed to ‘roid-rage.’”

C-T Special Investigative Reporting Bureau has also received a number of anonymous tips.

Ensign Lavita Treeny presented to her commanding officer nearly three hundred and forty viable citations in a single weekday afternoon. Most Meter Maids average sixty five to seventy.

Multiple complaints involving Corporal First Class Ronde’al Greene’s use of excessive profanities directed at polite motorists, anger management issues, and a trail of candy wrappers and Frostee cups (likely the result of carb-binging associated with steroid abuse).

Private Wisteria Maddras, in the most egregious allegation received by the C-T, has purportedly bit the head off a parking meter on Decatur Street so as to entrap innocent parkers who pull in at the headless meter.

NOPD Internal Affairs Investigator Tenaglia insists that these isolated abusers will be brought to justice.

“We want to restore the good name of New Orleans Meter Maids,” he said.