Rebirth Brass Band Announces 1,500 Layoffs;
Recession, Oil Prices To Blame

TREME — In its 1st Quarter earnings conference call presentation to Wall Street analysts today, Rebirth Brass Band Chairman and C.E.O. Philip Frazier announced a sweeping restructuring that will cut at least 1,500 jobs.

Rebirth Brass Band (NYSE: RBB) is the metropolitan area’s fourth largest employer, behind Tulane, Ochsner, and Avondale.

“In the end, it all came down to simple math,” said Frazier.”

While we sell out The Maple Leaf every Tuesday, our strategies to diversify the Rebirth brand beyond our core business into downloadable ringtones, aluminum manufacturing, and plastics have not succeeded as quickly as we’d hoped.”

“Plus, with the price of oil being what it is, the nation’s continuing subprime mortgage woes, and the overall strength of The Mighty Euro, competing for the New Orleans entertainment dollar presents an increasing challenge.”

All efforts are being made to help laid-off workers find placement elsewhere, Frazier said.

“Our strong strategic partnerships with various spin-off entities such as Soul Rebels, Hot 8, and New Birth will help us place some employees.”

Former Rebirth frontman Kermit Ruffins plans to open up the ranks of The BBQ Swingers to help as many as he can.

“If you’re a viper,” said Mr. Ruffins in a statement,” you always help a fellow viper.

“Other employees will be offered buyout packages so that they can “do what [they] wanna.”

Despite today’s bad news, Frazier assured analysts that all is not lost.

“I’m confident that we’ll come out of this restructuring period stronger and louder than ever.”

 

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