The New Math: Causeway No Longer the World’s Longest?

CBS News recently reported that the 18-mile long Hangzhou Bay Bridge has stolen the record for the world’s longest bridge from New Orleans’ own Lake Pontchartrain Causeway.

This announcement marks the first time in history that 18 is considered greater than 24, the approximate Causeway mileage; and has sent confused mathematicians, physicists, and scientists back to their textbooks only to discovery that the age old idiom has been right all along: less is more!

“23.87 is greater than 18,” contemplated UCLA Professor Terence Chi-Shen Tao.

“Bigger is smaller. For thousands of years everyone from Pythagoras to Stephen Hawking has been completing formulas all wrong. Perhaps this is why Einstein failed math. He knew then what we’re only discovering now.”

British philosopher A. C. Grayling observes:

“We’re not just talking a typo in Guiness’ World Records. This effects everything.

“Voting, driving, drinking restrictions all must be lowered to accommodate our aging youth. Students once forced to attend summer school will make Dean’s List this year. Even religion must be re-examined, for if God is infinite, then we’ll probably find He is really, really small. Perhaps a dwarf.”

Spurred by the discovery that less is indeed more, doctors and scientists around the globe have looked to other common expressions and wives’ tales for inspiration in their work.

They’re learning Mom is usually right:

Chocolate does cause acne. Laughter is the best medicine. Masturbation will make you go blind. And if you consume Pop Rocks, followed by a carbonated drink, your stomach explodes and you die.