Turkey Left Behind Seeks Assisted Suicide

Post-Katrina, many animals have sought physical help and emotional support from famed New Orleans veterinarian Francis Akmuch. One lonely turkey, however, sought something else.

Like many pets, Turkey Lurkey (name as printed on collar) was found while searching residences for survivors.

“From the beginning, all Turkey Lurkey would do was ask that we eat her,” explained Dr. Akmuch. “At first I thought she was concerned about the scarcity of food and was offering herself up for self-sacrifice; but upon probing deeper, I realized I was dealing with one very traumatized turkey.”

Turkey Lurkey’s owner, Gary Wilson, could not be found after he was airlifted from the mid-city section of New Orleans and forced to leave his faithful friend behind.

“We didn’t know how to handle the situation at first. Euthanasia is a very serious procedure and one we do not take lightly. However, without the owner around, I had to listen to the needs of the pet and take what she wanted into strong consideration.”

According to Dr. Akmuch, most pets have had a tough time post-Katrina.

“Ask any dog, he’ll tell you how ‘ruff’ it’s been. Cats with a simple ‘Me-ow’ express the overwhelming pain they feel. Turtles…well, turtles don’t talk much. But Turkey Lurkey was a unique case.”

Turkey Lurkey talked a lot. And, according to Dr. Akmuch, that talk always involved her death.

“’Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.’ It became too much. I had to help this bird.”

And help her he did.

In a strange twist of fate, Turkey Lurkey’s owner and companion of 6 years, Gary Wilson contacted The Creole-Tomato this morning when he heard we were about to print an article on a lost pet turkey.

Said Gary, “I’ve been so worried about her. Turkey Lurkey is a big eater, and once the food dish I left for her ran out. I’m sure all she could do was talk about how hungry she was.”

But news to Dr. Akmuch about his grievous error in interpretation came too late. Turkey Lurkey was deep fried this Thanksgiving morning. And weighing in at just over 17lbs., she filled the Thanksgiving spread nicely, serving his family of six with leftovers expected.

Happy Thanksgiving, Gary! Sorry for your loss.