Race to South White Street: The Other Guys

Leon Cannizzaro: Disrobed

The New Black?

Seventeen years as a Criminal Court judge, six years with state appeals court, Leon Cannizzaro resigned from the bench to run for Orleans Parish district attorney.

Tulane and Broad insiders have suggested that Cannizzaro might have ties to disgraced Orleans Juvenile Court Judge Yvonne L Hughes. 

When asked about his sources the anonymous tipster queried:

“Isn’t it obvious? Judge Cannizzaro—Judge Hughes. They, like, have the same name. Hello?”

Further it has been revealed that Judge Cannizzarro (if that is even his real name) wears a robe to work.

Tulane Law Professor Dewey Cheatum asked, “Do we really want a District Attorney who is either too lazy to change out of his jammies or has the notion that it is acceptable for a man to wear a dress to court?”

“I don’t think so.”

Cannizzarro recently released a viral video on YouTube reinventing his image as the classic New Orleans hockey mom.

Pollsters were baffled by this one to say the least.

“Whether you support Sarah Palin or not,” commented local political anaylist, Clancy DuBos, “this ad just doesn’t make any sense. Not unlike the late New Orleans Brass.”

Jason Williams: Clipped

White Chocolate

Only weeks ago, on the top floor of the World Trade Center, Jason Williams, 35, declared his candidacy for Orleans Parish District Attorney in the Oct. 4 election.

Though originally supported by throngs of cheering fans, Williams will not be on the ballot come election day.

Shockingly, the Los Angeles Clippers today signed free agent guard Jason Williams, according to Vice President of Basketball Operations Elgin Baylor. Per team policy, terms of the deal were not announced.

A veteran of 10 NBA seasons, Williams joins the Clippers after playing the last three years for Miami, where he helped the Heat to the 2006 NBA Championship. The six-foot-one, 180 pound point guard has also started and played in 53 career playoff contests, averaging 9.8 points, 3.7 assists, 2.2 rebounds and 0.9 steals.

“Jason is an experienced and proven player,” Baylor said. “I can’t begin to understand this controversial bid for job of top lawyer in New Orleans. Of all places.”

UPDATE: The Creole-Tomato has learned that Jason Williams retired from professional basketball on Saturday, September 27th.  Whether this helps his election chances remains to be seen.

Linda Bizzaro: Weirded Out

Where Dark is Light

Linda Bizzarro faces a stiff competition in this important race. Supporters are enthusiastic, while independents remain cautious.

Former ADA Hank Marion has reservations.

“It’s just that her speeches are so ‘strange.’ So ‘peculiar. “Odd, even.’

She’ll start off by saying ‘In a Bizzarro world, things will be different…’”

Local Pundit and ABC26 Newsman Jeff Crouere is downright confused.

“Is this a Seinfeld bit or what?”

Linda Bizzarro’s campaign managers suggested clearing things up with a Facebook Page:

“In a Bizzarro world, the DA will effectively prosecute criminals and secure more convictions than ever before. In a Bizzarro world, New Orleans will be safe.”

Should Bizzarro claim the victory in October, it is certain an alternate reality will ensue for citizens and criminals alike.