Swine Flu Slops Through Ranks of NOPD;
Law Enforcement Agencies, Doctors Dumfounded

CENTRAL CITY — At a press conference at the NOPD Headquarters on Roman Street, Public Relations Officer Sergeant Dante Bacon today confirmed what many the community had long suspected: 87% of the New Orleans Police Department is carrying the Swine Flu Virus.

And Doctors don’t yet know why.

“We think that it may have traveled to our officers via the new dark blue uniforms which were made in Mexico,” Bacon said. “Or maybe terrorism.”

“Why else would it only target police officers?”

Physicians at the Ochsner Clinic, Hospital, Hotel, and Massage Parlor, Inc., LLC are working closely with the Centers for Disease Control to pen in the virus. But authorities are fearful that it may spread quickly.

Already the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s department has confirmed that some of its Deputies have been clearing their throats an awful lot lately.

If, indeed, the disease has spread into the Parish, Doctors suspect that it was carried by State Troopers traveling across borders.

“We’re looking into any possible way this virus can spread,” said Dr. Alton Sibelius of Ochsner.

“Donuts, moustaches, those super shiny sunglassess? It could be anything.”