Feds Bail Out House of Shock;
Deemed “Too Big To Fail”

On Shaky, Accursed Ground

JEFFERSON  – As Halloween approaches the Big un-Easy, residents are expressing concern about the potential collapse of one of New Orleans’ revered institutions.

With stock market prices all over the map and the US economic crisis sending mortgage-backed security backwash throughout Europe and Asia, the Treasury Department today announced an emergency plan to bail out the House of Shock.

Original founded by homegrown thrash metal band Pantera in the mid-1980s, House of Shock flourished as an upstart and eventually showed itself as an able competitor of the mainstay Sheriff Foti’s Haunted House.

Though controversial, the bailout package was immediately endorsed by both presidential candidates Senators Obama and McCain.

But will the bailout work? According to House of Shock CFO Marjorie Killgore, positive effects are not likely to be felt immediately and layoffs are certain.

“It’s just that this work is seasonal, you know,” said an out of work disembodied hand. “But I’m optimistic, I’ll find something.”

This is America after all,” he added.

Legislators stressed strict controls and oversight would be put into effect immediately.

“The last thing we need is some emaciated, re-animated corpse doling out high dollar bonus packages to his bonesaw toting minions,” said Louisiana Congressman Bill Jefferson.