Kicking People Out of Their Homes Proposed as Panacea for Ailing N.O. Health Care System

I-10 CORRIDOR — At a downtown gala today, LSU Medical Center spokesperson Charles Weze, unveiled the institution’s two-part plan tthe devastated New Orleans’s health care system.

First, evict residents from their homes in a historic downtown area of the city.

Second, wait for a handout from the federal government.

“It’s quite simple,” said Weze. “There is an extensive area of neighborhoods near the LSU health care region and the old VA. We would simply like to ask all the people of these neighborhoods to go to hell.”

“We’ve heard all the excuses,” continued Weze. “‘I just spent the last 3 years renovating my house since the storm,’ and my own personal favorite: ‘Can’t you rebuild in the same areas as the prior hospitals.’”

“On behalf of LSU Health Sciences, I would like to state that we have officially put our hands to ours ears and started sing-songing: ‘We cant hear you, we cant hear you.’”

Weze said that LSU has been “hoping and praying for a little of that green [stuff]” from the federal government. He also noted that if Obama’s new FEMA director is “sympathetic to throwing people out on their asses” in order to build a research center, then “we may just be in business.

Weze also stated that he felt the proposed evictions would provide many new medical possibilities to study a larger amount of patients with untreated hypertension, diabetes, and depression.

“There has been discussion of evicting the citizens of the nearby ‘tent city’ in order to acquire the land for our planned new psychiatric and substance abuse center. We feel that it would the best way that LSU could honor these people,” said Weze.

When asked about LSU’s plans for the old Charity hospital building on Tulane Avenue, Weze noted that LSU’s position was that it wasn’t their problem, and he personally felt that the building may serve as a wonderful place for condominiums for the many new tenants expected in light of the proposed property acquisitions.