Investigative Report: Nagin’s Downtime

After numerous Freedom of Information Act requests and even a sit-down with Hizzoner himself, The Times-Picayune and WWL-TV have been unable to get to the bottom of the most pressing political question of 2008: what, exactly, is Mayor C. Ray Nagin doing during “downtime?”

While our rival media outlets may wilt in the heat of the corridors of power, The Creole-Tomato Investigative Reporting Bureau never quits. When the public asks a question, we demand an answer.

Our reporters pounded the pavement, leaving no stone unturned, no garbage can unexamined, no po-boy uneaten, and no parking lot unvisited. They have conducted hundreds of field interviews, putting themselves constantly at risk of Mayoral Cold-Cocking.

After learning of this investigation, Mayor Nagin personally called the editors of The Creole-Tomato in an attempt to spike this story. He agreed to comment on the record in exchange for our agreement to print his statement in its entirety.

“This has gone beyond the point of reasonableness. This isn’t your time. It’s not the Times-Picayune’s time. It’s not WWL’s time. It’s my downtime. It’s C. Ray’s time to be down. That’s why they call it downtime.”

The results of this exhaustive investigation are printed below.

• Rifle Range Time (with Warren Riley)
• Updating MySpace Page Time (see Related Story)
• Watching reruns of “Dallas” on Cox Cable Video-On-Demand Time
• Cold Cockin’ Time
• Goatee Trim/Head Shine Time
• Developing New Reality Series “Nagin 24/7″ Time
• Powerboatin’ the “Sea-Ray” Time
• Corruption Time
• Miller Time