French Quarter “Priest” to Save Uptown Churches;
Plan Involves Stripping, Malls

UPTOWN — The protesting parishoners of St. Henry and Our Lady of Good Council Catholic Churches have reached a new agreement with the Archdiocese of New Orleans to save their churches from closure.

The parishoners, whose 72-hour occupation of the church ended on January 6th after they were bodily evicted by officers of the NOPD, have enlisted the assistance of defrocked pastor cum French Quarter character Pierre Mesmerado of 712 Dauphine Street.

The plans of “Father Pierre,” as he is known in the quarter, are as yet unknown. But a good reverend tells The Creole-Tomato that he has “had a vision of strip malls.”

“The old churches could make use of excess space with a build-out around the core of the existing nave,” said Father Pierre. “We even have word from building development agents immediately identifying several interested tenants.”

Leasing expert Judas Negerski stated that long-term leases have been partially executed with Holiday Inn Express franchise specializing in 4 hour rentals.

The other two notable institutions that have made funded offers are Planned Parenthood and Monty’s Exotic Videos & Novelties.

Amazingly enough, these two churches now have an abundance of priests available for service.

Whereas in the last fifteen years the calling has seen fewer and fewer individuals called into the priesthood, it is reported that the Vatican believes that such an approach may be the beginning of a new found stability an increasing number of priests for the Catholic congregations throughout the world.

Reached for comment, Archbishop Alfred Hughes of the New Orleans Archdioceses issued statements that sounded markedly like a confession and then later could not be reached.