Federal Scientists to Study Area Man
Still Living Off MREs

COVINGTON, Louisiana — The US Military Health Sciences provided a big shot in the arm today to the New Orleans health care system in the form of huge cash infusion for an extensive study on local resident Pierre Arceneaux.

Mr. Arceneaux’s seemingly low-key lifestyle as a bait supplier to regional game shops has drawn intense scrutiny from Army scientists after he was on featured on a WWL-TV human-interest segment discussing his nearly 3-year record of subsisting only exclusively on left over post-Katrina MREs.

“I don’t see what the big deal is about all this, but if the government wants to study me for some cash. Sure, I guess,” Mr. Arceneaux told the C-T.

Dr. Walter Zelefsky, the head of the study, noted that Mr. Arceneaux—who had amassed hundreds of boxes of leftover MREs from friends, neighbors, and empty parking lots within the Greater New Orleans area—has subsisted off of them since Sept. 2005 without any obvious health problems.

“This man is full of Riboflavin!” Dr. Zelefsky stated.

“He may be the first man solely subsisting of nutrients supplied by FEMA. He is truly a asset to his country and the medical community.”

As for Mr. Arceneaux, he doesn’t see what all the fuss is about.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” he said. “I’m just trying to save a buck here, and those things are easy to take out on the boat.”